A Discipleship Journal article by Stephen Sorenson
During the past several weeks, I've asked a number of people how they get to know their neighbors. Most of them say, "Well, that's a good question. I'm not very good at that." Then they launch into a grocery list of reasons why they haven't tried to meet their neighbors or why they've given up. I understand, because I wrestle with the same issues.
When I was growing up, it seemed as if my parents knew everybody in the neighborhood. They'd lived in the same house for years, and I played in empty lots with their friends' children. People trusted one another, often not locking their doors and not worrying about whether a neighbor was being too friendly toward their children. Even salespeople knew our names.
Today, much has changed in many towns and cities. There are few empty lots on which children can play. People lock their doors—sometimes with three or four locks—and pay a good deal of attention to their children's playmates, young and old alike. And salespeople know only our charge cards.
Add to this the transient quality of our society, job demands, family responsibilities, church activities, and all the attendant details of modern life, and it's not surprising that people don't know their neighbors.
However, Jesus said that we're to be the light of the world, and I believe this truth applies to our dealings with our neighbors as well. In fact, He explicitly told us to love our neighbors, to care about them in practical ways—a difficult task if we don't know their names.
As we learn, by God's grace, how to put others first and respond to their needs by His power, our lives will stand out. Our neighbors will know that we care and will be drawn toward us—and to Christ. Truly they will know we are Christians by our love.
Realizing that your neighbor situation may be quite different from mine, I'd like to share some ways I've met my neighbors. (Having a dog that barks early in the morning doesn't count.) There are probably hundreds of ways to meet neighbors, depending on our personalities, living conditions, interests, and so on. What's important is mustering the energy—and the courage—to try one or more of them.
1. Exchange simple greetings.
If you are consistently friendly when you meet people on the stairs, in the elevator, or during a neighborhood walk, eventually you'll have the opportunity to get to know them. We met a Pakistani woman on the stairs of our apartment complex once. Later, when her husband needed someone to read his dissertation, she remembered that we were editors and knocked on our door. When their young son cut his head open and needed stitches, she asked us to drive them to the hospital.
2. Pass along a compliment.
Solomon wrote, "How good is a timely word!" (Prov. 15:23). A cheerful word can still open doors to relationships, even in our impersonal society. For example, nearly every time I drove past a certain house down the road from us, I noticed that something had been improved. The trash had disappeared. A new picnic area had sprouted. The house was repainted. And so on.
One afternoon, as I returned from the park with my German Shepherd, I noticed a man and a woman standing in the front yard. I stopped my pickup truck and walked back to say hello.
The couple looked at my jeans and my powerful dog, and offered a tepid, unenthusiastic, "Hi." (Translation: "What are you doing here? What do you want? Do we know you?")
"I just wanted to tell you that I think you're doing a great job with this house," I said. "It's really looking good."
Immediately, their faces beamed. We talked for nearly twenty minutes, and I discovered they were Christians. In fact, they had read an earlier article I'd written for Discipleship Journal, and it had motivated them to think about becoming missionaries on an Indian reservation! As it turned out, they moved to a reservation a few months ago, but not before we had good times of sharing.
3. Welcome neighbors warmly.
In our semi-rural neighborhood, there are three easy ways to know that someone new has moved in: a moving van or collection of loaded pickup trucks; a once-vacant house that is now occupied; and/or a new child at the bus stop.
Study these signs and others that might apply to your neighborhood. When somebody new moves in, demonstrate some Christian hospitality. Stop by with cookies. Pass along information on where to buy certain items. Answer questions about local activities. Offer to help in any way possible. What a difference a smile can make!
Hospitality is emphasized throughout Scripture, and it's a great way to break down barriers and demonstrate Christ's love.
4. Share a meal.
Jesus knew how significant sharing a meal could be. He often met with "sinners" in their homes and spoke to thousands of people at mealtimes.
Not long after Amanda and I were married, Ken and Ruth, a couple with several children, invited us to their home for a meal. How special that was for us! We didn't know many people yet and didn't have money for eating out. In addition to the great food, we enjoyed playing with their children. That meal led to many others, and they invited us over on special holidays and whenever the children celebrated birthdays.
5. Share a book.Sharing food for the stomach is one thing. Have you considered sharing food for the mind? Do you have a book that one of your neighbors might enjoy reading? It's easy to loan out books, particularly as you learn your neighbors' interests. One couple is using our house-framing book to build a large workshop for their welding business. Another neighbor reads our books to learn more about certain issues in her life. A teenager (now grown) used to borrow Christian books from me regularly.
6. Share a skill.
If you are particularly good at interior decorating, fixing a car, greasing bicycle wheel bearings, landscaping, and so on, set aside a few hours on a weekend. Let other neighbors know when you will be using your particular skill and that you are willing to pass on a few tips or do some hands-on work. Then see what happens. Perhaps no one will drop by, in which case you can simply catch up on your own work. On the other hand, neighbors may stop by.
Sharing skills is contagious. If your neighborhood is like ours, when one person starts doing it, others will too. Everybody saves money, learns new things, and has fun in the process.
7. Share your recreation.
You may be surprised at how pleased a neighbor will be to join you in a favorite activity. If you are a mountain-bike aficionado and you notice that a neighbor also has a bike, why not suggest a time to ride a trail together? If you enjoy taking your family to a local pool, invite a neighbor or neighbor's child to tag along. Perhaps the local library is starting a new film series. Or your church has put together a special drama presentation. Or you have been given free tickets to a downtown event. Quite often people will be honored that you invite them. Even if they can't come, the invitation will mean a great deal.
8. Volunteer advice.
Perhaps you've learned about something the hard way, and your neighbor hasn't. If he or she is open-minded, doesn't have an attack dog who hates you, and is home when you are awake, try sharing an idea that has worked for you.
When we lived in a cul-de-sac, a neighbor's advice saved us lots of expense. Although I didn't know him well, he stopped by after a bad snowstorm and said, "When the wind is just right, snow blows into the roof vents of my house. You might want to check your attic." Turns out the insulation in our attic was covered with snow, which would have melted and created a real mess. From that time on, he and I talked about many subjects, including Christ.
Another time, I suggested that a neighbor jack out a fence post instead of digging it out. (I contributed the jack and chain.) He has always remembered that, and his family still corresponds with us from England.
9. Meet obvious needs.
Sometimes the best way to meet a neighbor is to be sensitive to a need. We've seen this happen over and over again.
One day we noticed a neighbor drive up and walk around her house trying to open a window. After a brief chat, we learned she had locked herself out. Amanda thought for a minute and asked, "Do you have a garage-door opener in your car?" Fifteen seconds later, the woman was in her house.
That was an easy need to meet. Sometimes, though, meeting our neighbors' needs requires work. I once passed a large rental truck parked in the middle of a gravel road. It was zero degrees, dark, and the wind chill was minus twenty. A man was pickaxing the frozen gravel from beneath the rear bumper of the truck.
Although I had acute tendonitis in both wrists, I knew I had to help him. So I drove home, changed clothes, and drove back. "What're you trying to do?" I asked. "Get into the driveway or get out of it?"
"We're moving in," he said, "and the back bumper dragged on the road. Now the truck won't go in or out."
I put my vehicle into four-wheel drive, drove up a ditch, and turned around in his driveway. Then we hooked up the winch and dragged the truck free. Grateful, he and his wife asked what they owed me. "Nothing," I replied, and shared a brief message about Jesus with them.
Another time, a van carrying a family of nine broke down about ten o'clock at night, not long after they'd moved into a new house up the road from us. The husband called us, and I was able to tow the van back to his home.
10. Watch for special opportunities.
The opportunity to meet others' needs is not always obvious. Occasionally we have to initiate the action, not merely respond to the situation.
One snowy morning at the bus stop, having dropped my daughter off, I noticed a woman I'd never seen before standing nearby and introduced myself.
"We just moved here," she volunteered, "and we're trying to move in. But the moving company won't deliver our things until we get the driveway plowed." She pointed to the fourteen inches of snow that had fallen the night before. "Do you know anyone who can plow it by eleven o'clock? The moving company wants to come today."
Knowing that the professional plowers were out fulfilling contractual commitments, I shook my head. Then I realized that maybe God wanted me to help her.
I borrowed another neighbor's tractor and plowed her driveway and also a path to her back stairs. That, in turn, led to various discussions with her and her husband, who invited us to their home for a meal. The head of a multinational company in Korea, she has never forgotten that people she had never met plowed her out for free.
11. Ask for help.We all have strengths and weaknesses. One way of compensating for our weaknesses, and getting to know our neighbors better in the process, is to ask for help. (Sometimes it's better to receive than to give!)
For example, I frequently begin projects without knowing how they will end. I experiment and learn as I go. This works well sometimes, but when I started to build a go-cart out of a cast-off riding lawnmower, I soon realized I was in over my head. So I invited a neighbor who was technically proficient to help me, and we had fun for about four hours. During that time, he also shared several deep concerns.
Another time, when Amanda and I lived in a two-bedroom apartment, friends of ours from college days, Paul and Tina, arrived for a visit in an old car with worn-out brakes. I volunteered to help Paul replace them. Dutifully, we pulled off a wheel and began removing springs and other brake parts. Soon I knew we were in trouble.
"Hey," I called out to a man walking by, "you know anything about brakes?"
He hesitated and then grinned. "A little bit." He passed along a few pointers and gave me his apartment number in the adjoining complex. That simple conversation developed into a relationship with him and his wife that has lasted almost sixteen years.
12. Organize neighborhood activities.
Everybody has to eat, and few people will turn down the chance to grill a few burgers and sample other people's tasty dishes. In one neighborhood, a random gathering of people on the Fourth of July became a tradition. The residents closed off the street for a block party and brought their favorite foods. From about noon until dark, neighbors talked, threw Frisbees, and played with everybody's children. If you live in an apartment, see if you can reserve the clubhouse or block off part of the parking lot. Or arrange for everyone to meet at a nearby park.
Speaking of food, have you ever participated in a potluck in which neighbors go to different homes and eat a different course at each home? Progressive dinners can be a fun way to get to know people in your neighborhood, particularly those whom you've already met briefly.
And then there is that great American tradition: the garage sale. Most people have items they'd like to sell or give away. Invite your neighbors to participate. It's a great way to meet them. You may even want to furnish the driveway. If you live in an apartment complex, see if you can use the parking lot. Arrange for at least one adult from each participating family to spend some time at the sale, and don't be surprised if you end up talking with neighbors you hardly know as if you were long-time buddies.
Baby showers also serve this purpose. When a new couple moved into our neighborhood, I met them as they were fixing up their mailbox. Kristen was obviously pregnant, and as time passed Amanda and another neighbor decided to hold a baby shower for her. They typed up invitations and delivered them to select neighbors.
In addition to seeing the joy on Kristen's face during the shower, Amanda met two women she didn't know. She now looks forward to spending additional time with them.
13. Form a neighborhood play group.
If you have small children at home, talk with your neighbors about forming a play group. You, the neighbors, and the children could get together at designated times at one another's homes or in a local park. If all goes well, the children will have fun with their peers, and you'll have a great time visiting and relaxing with new friends.
If you like kids and want to meet their parents, a play area may be just the ticket. One man in Ohio built playground equipment in his backyard for his kids. Before long it became the rallying point for the entire neighborhood. Kids "sniff out" tire swings and other fun ways to play, and their parents are sure to follow. Amanda and I have built several swings now, and we are toying with the idea of building a "zip line" on which children can ride a long cable down a hill.
14. Get active in a community group or cause.
Almost every neighborhood has groups active in community affairs. Perhaps you could help start a crime-prevention group. Or maybe an issue is coming up at a public hearing. The keys here are participation and common interests.
About a year ago, our school district wanted to make a boundary change and force children to switch schools. Even though the decision wouldn't affect us, we chose to become involved. We spoke out on behalf of others in our community and telephoned the news media so that the issue would receive city-wide attention. Our participation had a strong impact on at least one family who realized we had responded out of loving concern for them and not because we had anything to gain for ourselves.
A Final Word
I believe everybody likes to be appreciated and cared for. As Christians, we have a wonderful opportunity to express Christ's love to those around us. We don't have to go far to see great needs or hurting, harried people. We don't have to go far to meet people who may become supportive friends. But we have to be willing to take the first steps and trust God to do the rest.
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