When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child.
It is the parent who tells the three-year-old what he out to do and, in fact, what he must do. That is necessary because the three-year-old does not yet know how to navigate in the treacherous waters of life.
In marriage, however, we are equal, adult partners. We are not perfect to be sure, but we are adults and we are partners. If we are to devlop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.
If we make known our needs and desires as requests, we are giving guidance, not ultimatums. The husband who says, "You know those apple pies you make? Would it be possible for you to make one this week? I love those apple pies," is giving his wife guidance on how to love him and thus build intimacy.
On the other hand, the husband who says, "Haven't made an apple pie since the baby was born. Don't guess I'll get any more apple pies for eighteen years," has ceased being an adult and has reverted to adolescent behavior.
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| *Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" book. Page 48 |
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